Almost everybody has experienced hurt caused by the words or actions of another.  These wounds may leave you with lifelong feelings of bitterness, anger, and even revenge.  But, if you do not practice forgiveness, you’re bound to be the one to pay dearly.   When you embrace forgiveness, you welcome hope, peace, joy, and gratitude – a path for emotional, spiritual, and physical well-being.  

For a lot of people, forgiveness is among the hardest things to do. You tell yourself to forgive and forget the hurt or wrong someone has done to you, but you can’t.  No matter how much you try to do the act of forgiveness -you can’t.  Not because you don’t want to, but because forgiveness is not merely an “action” but a destination.   While you can’t convince yourself to forgive and forget, you CAN take some helpful steps to get to forgiveness.  Here are some great steps to be on the road to forgiveness:

Understand forgiveness

Forgiving doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re giving permission to the same behavior to happen again.  It doesn’t also mean that you consider what was done as acceptable.  Rather, forgiveness is required for those unacceptable behaviors to give it the opportunity to never be repeated.  Most of all, understand that forgiveness is a way of setting your spirits free from all the burdensome negative feelings, and help you to focus on the positive parts of your life.

Recognize it’s all coming back to you

Is your non-forgiveness being felt by the person who hurt you or you?  Realize that it’s not the other person burning in anger, experiencing the recycling of hurtful thoughts, feeling the knotty-stomach, staying awake at night to rehearse over and over again what to do or say to have revenge –all these hurting and sorrow are all yours.  

Admit your part

Did you honestly tell the person about the hurting behavior done or did you keep it hidden?  Did you do anything to seek peace, such as reassuring the person that the issue has been solved? Did you leave when you should have stayed? If so, then you have responsibility too. Make an inventory of all your actions, and how you contributed to the situation.  When you admit this to yourself, you start to move away from the thought that you are a “victim”.

Create a list of your gains

No matter what type of relationship you shared with the person who hurt you, create a list of the things you gained from that relationship.  There must have been positive things that made you choose to stay in the relationship.  Discover them again.

Make a letter

Compose a letter to that person but don’t send it.  Acknowledge the things you gained from your relationship with him/her.  Express every emotion, and all the conversations you’ve hand in your mind.  Keep writing the letter repeatedly, each time getting deeper inside yourself to express full emotions.  

Get rid of the letter and lists

You can create a ceremony for getting rid of the letter and the lists, which will symbolize the end of its connection with you.  You can choose to let it drift away down a river, or burn them, or invent other form of ceremony for the separation of all those hurt from you.

Visualize forgiveness

Imagine the person you’re forgiving being grateful for the forgiveness, which in turn sets them free from the continuing behavior that harmed you. When you free yourself from the hurting links, you’ll start to feel more joyous and lighter.  Eventually, you can move on with life without the bitterness, and facing it more positively.

Forgiving someone or yourself, even when difficult, can change your life for the better.  Dwelling on injustice, vengeance, bitterness, and anger, will hinder you path to a happy life.  Forgiveness is the way for a life of compassion, peace, mercy, kindness, and joy.